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Executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “Feedback is a gift that only other can give.”  If that is so, why do so many people have trouble giving and receiving feedback?
Much of the difficulty people have with feedback is actually about power. If we give feedback to someone, our motive may actually be to control them. When we resist feedback, we may really be resisting being changed. 

It can be very useful to clarify the reason for giving feedback before doling it out.  Here are five different types of feedback and suggestions for each. 

Evaluation Feedback: This is the feedback type that is found the most in the workplace.It’s also the least helpful. The timeframe at which evaluation feedback comes is always at the end. When the performance year is over. After a week-long class is over. Once a project has been completed.  Sure it’s helpful for all us to gauge how we did, and we may use evaluation feedback to improve next time.  But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?

Real-Time Performance Feedback: This type of feedback generally comes from a boss or someone whose own success depends on you.  While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.

When you sense that someone is trying to give performance feedback, it may help you both to get very clear.  Try asking, “what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?” Once you get the feedback, make the change!

Fine-Tuning: This feedback comes from people who think you are generally doing a good job, but they see an opportunity for you to get even better by tweaking a behavior or two. One of the best examples I can give of fine-tuning feedback came from someone who participated in a course I gave.  She let me know how much she got out of the course, and then asked if she could give me some feedback.  She shared that when I nodded my head while listening to people in the audience, it made her feel as though I was rushing.  WOW!  This blew me away because I had no idea that my behavior was having this negative impact.

The key to giving fine-tuning feedback is to share the impact a behavior has on you or others.  The giver is not necessarily trying to control or change you. The person receiving the feedback has the chance to decide whether to change or not change, the person giving the feedback is merely sharing how they are impacted.

Feed-Forward: Goldsmith came up with this one years ago. It involves making suggestions before, rather than waiting for them to fail at something and giving negative feedback later. For example, my husband had a presentation to give to the executive leadership committee at work, which was the first time he ever did anything like that.  Before the presentation, his boss coached him on how much detail to include in his presentation, what he shoud wear, when he was expected to speak and more.

Slap Upside the Head: Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, “You are making yourself and others miserable.  What’s going on?”

Only very good friends can give slap upside the head feedback.  It is very personal feedback that should only be shared because you care about someone and are concerned. In his book, Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.

The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn’t trying to control you or change you for their sake. they give the feedback knowing what your objectives are for your life and they see that your behavior is keeping you from reaching them.
Summary
Feedback Givers: Before you give feedback, think through your intention and the type of feedback that fits best.Remember that if you are not in a position of authority, evaluation feedback is not appropriate.  You can lead a horse to water . . .

If you are on the receiving end:  Keep in mind that we all are blind to certain things about ourselves, and feedback is one of the few ways to discover those things about ourselves.   View the feedback as a gift, even if you decide you don’t agree with it. If it’s evaluation or performance feedback, you have a chance to change in order to do better in the eyes of others.  If it’s fine-tuning or slap upside the head feedback, you have the choice to change or not.

Wendy Mack is a consultant, speaker, and change catalyst who specializes in helping leaders mobilize energy for change, For more articles and resources on leading and communicating change visit: www.WendyMack.com.